Spare The Rod, Spoil The Child..Is it Bible?

Recently, Anderson Cooper did a series called “UnGodly Discipline: Spare The Rod Spoil the Child” on two parents from CA who beat their adopted child to death. (see news article here). The parents professed to be devout Christians who simply disciplined all of their kids in accordance with Scripture. The AC360 crew spoke with Michael and Debi Pearl, authors of a best selling book, “To Train Up A Child”, that was found in the home (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3). According to their website NoGreaterJoy.org the name of the book comes from the KJV version of Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is older he will not depart from it”. This is not the first child to die at the hands of parents who embraced this book yet the authors take no responsibility for parents “losing control”.

The pastor/author explained that the Bible calls parents to use a “rod” in the corporal punishment of a child and that the spankings should cause sharp pain. It should be obvious to any rational person, whether Christian or not, that the murderers and the authors are extreme examples which in no way reflect Biblical principles. However, in keeping with the title of the series, there is a generic belief in “Spare the rod, spoil the child” common among Christians in particular. Where does this notion of spanking come from and what does Scripture really say?

 In 1960 a tomb was discovered in central Italy that is from roughly the 5^th century BC. It was named “Tomba della Fustigazione” (Tomb of Flogging) because of the depictions of spanking painted on the walls inside. The fact is that spanking began as an erotic act and/or a fertility aid. The Medieval Era saw the use of spanking expanded to include punishment for crimes/sin (corporal punishment) used by the church and governments alike. This practice didn’t start winding down until the 18^th century, when reform as opposed to strictly punishment was introduced. 

Now, back to “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” First off, nowhere does the Bible say that. The first record of that phrase comes from a 17^th century poetic satire on the English Civil War by Samuel Butler titled “Hudibras” and has nothing to do with child rearing. The specific stanza related to spanking actually had an erotic connotation! It is possible this saying became associated with the church, perhaps, through the delusional “Bayside Prophesies” of Veronica Lueken. She had many visions, during one of which in 1973 she claimed to see St. Joachim (the father of Jesus’ mother Mary according to some traditions but a name not found in Scripture) say, “Humanism in your world has been created by satan. You will bring back the adages of old: Spare the rod and you will spoil the child. Discipline must be returned to the home.” (see the rest of the conversation here). The Catholic church denounced her visions in 1986 for a variety of reasons, though I believe thinking that the Lord is using political satire with erotic undertones to make a point about wholesome child raising is valid grounds to question ones sanity.

In Scripture we do read about “rod” and “discipline”. For example (all NIV but clink on link at end of each Scripture to choose another translation):

“Folly is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him” Proverbs 22:15

“Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” Proverbs 13:24

“Do not withhold discipline from a child, if you punish him with the rod he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death” Proverbs 23:13-14

Does this mean the “spirit” of the saying is validated and God does in fact command spanking, with a switch no less? Absolutely not. Reread the above Proverbs but replace “rod” with “authority” and “discipline” with “teach”. This will give a much more accurate picture of what the people in Solomon’s time were reading.

The word “rod” comes from the Hebrew word “shebet.” Of the 190 occasions this word is used in the KJV it is translated “tribe” 140 times, “rod” 34, “scepter” 10, “staff” 2, etc. Basically, this word is more often looked at as a sign of authority than it is a club. Nowhere is it merely a switch from a tree in the backyard or a wooden spoon.

The word “discipline” comes from the Hebrew “muwcar”. Of the 50 occasions this word is used in the KJV it is translated “instruction” 30 times, “correction” 8, “chasten/chastise” 7 and “discipline”.  Basically, this word means to teach as opposed to punish. It is no coincidence that it is similar to the word “disciple”.

In closing, let me acknowledge that as the parent of two children (and one on the way), my kids have been spanked. I, nor my wife, have ever used an “instrument”-it’s been a swat on the bottom for the most egregious behavior. I don’t know when I will stop spanking them or if I will ever do it again. There is an interesting scientific debate around the effectiveness of spanking, which I have mixed feelings about, but we trust in the presence of God in our lives and the heart/mind He has given us to aid in the raising of our children. I am not trying to encourage parents to spank, or not spank, their children. I believe children are different and it is every parent responsibility to take whatever steps it find effective in raising them. What I do take issue with is the idea that God commands it. I hope I have made the case He doesn’t even suggest it.

Being faithful to who we are meant to be..

**Originally written 6/26/05 from Pelican Bay State Prison SHU, updated today.

In the book of Ezekiel and elsewhere, mostly in the Old Testament, the Lord speaks of turning Israel over to her “lovers” which will see her “nakedness” and thus assault her.  Those particular words are weighty and interesting.

God, for His own reasons, elected the people later known as Israelites as His chosen ones whom He loved and made covenant with.  God is love so it’s clear that God’s love was able to fully sustain and satisfy Israel but they elected to join as lovers with other nations and “gods” in blatant idolatry. God’s response to this idolatry was to give them over to their lovers (meaning back up and allow them to be with who they wanted) and the inevitable outcome was Israel got burned.

Israel tried to join in a relationship of love/unity when neither they nor their partners had the capacity to fulfill the idea. It is a tragic irony that Israel showed the opposite of love, to the Source of love, in order to try to love others. What they got in return was the opposite of love! This is the 100%guaranteed result anytime anyone, even today, turns from God to try and receive something somewhere else.

The pagans were most concerned with Power, Domination & Control. Israel looked like a great partner but it was because of God’s favor, and only for that reason, they were blessed on all fronts.  They exploited their status, be it spiritual, material etc., to attract lovers yet without the Lord their blessings dissolved. When the “covering” and favor of God was lifted their lovers saw them for what they were-regular folks without the control, authority etc they had appeared to have. This inspired the lovers wrath because they felt short changed and played. Imagine you marry a woman only to find out she is a he! I imagine that’s how the pagans felt.

Truth is, we are ALL like Israel sometimes. We try and be who we think we need to in order to get what we want. This is the case in the ‘hood and the suburbs, with toddlers and seniors. All the while God is watching and saying “I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11). No one else can say that to us with such ability to back it up.

Ever head someone say, “I am really humble.” We love to take credit for who we are or how we are perceived. This can have dangerous consequences. Let the Lord raise you up, and in the process never forget where He brought you from. As Pastor Rick Warren said at the very beginning of The Purpose Driven Life, “it’s not about you”. God wants to bless us because of who He is, not who we are-which takes away the pressure of having to front. Remember, without Him we are ALL just dirt! 

What is a Homie?

Since I’ve chosen to name this blog Helping Others Move In Excellence for Truth (H.O.M.I.E.4Truth) I guess the first order of business is to address why I chose “homie” for the acronym.

Society has a tendency to over simplify what it doesn’t care to understand. This is why you have Merriam Webster defining “homie” as: “a violent, brutal person who is often a member of an organized gang” while Urban Dictionary says it means “close friend”.  The word “homeboy”, for which “homie” is short, has been in use in the US since the 1940’s. Originally it referred to someone from your hometown but by the 1970’s it was synonymous with “friend” in urban America.  As hip-hop became a major influence on popular culture around the turn of the century the word “homie” became part of everyday language for young adults Nationwide. We have all seen the “Jesus is my Homeboy” shirts and most remember when 11 year old reporter Damon Weaver declared Obama his homeboy after a 2009 interview. 

With all that said, I do have an issue with how the word is used in certain circles. In the most violent of our communities you are either a homie or an enemy, both of which often have dramatic consequences. A homie is expected to go along with whatever the rest of the homies have going on. A homie is greater than a “friend” in the sense that you can always count on a homie to be by your side and have your back. This doesn’t mean they are gangbanging, though they may be. I know a young man, an honor role student and non violent, who is now facing LIFE in prison because he gave his “homie” a ride and never stepped back as gunshots went off.

The use of “homie” as peer pressure is no different than the age-old manipulation of, “If you were really my friend you would..(insert craziness).” The problem is there are a lot of voices public and private to tell us that that person is not being a real friend because a real friend will only support you in good things etc. They do not question that you should have friends, they just question what a friend is. When it comes to homies we have music and movies that mirror and/or give credit to the unhealthy peer pressure of low income communities or we have people who state “homies are bad”.  Rarely is there common sense middle ground. Young people are receptive to challenging what a real homie is but they get understandably defensive when they hear “homies (friends) are bad”. 

My friend Dr. Joe Marshall (Omega Boys Club/Street Soldiers founder) defined a friend as one who “never leads you to danger”. I am pushing for us to embrace that as the definition of a homie as well. Better yet, a homie is one who “Helps Others Move In Excellence! If your "enemies” want to see you hurt or in jail, but riding with your homie is going to bring the same results, its time to redefine what a homie is-if for no other reason then the preservation of our youth. If we don’t, it becomes increasingly difficult to argue with ol’ Webster.  

*Thanks for taking an interest in my blog. I am open to suggestions, feedback and further conversation. If you enjoyed this please help a homie out by spreading the word!